The Real Talk About Bouldering Grades: A Love-Hate Story
Look, I've got to be honest with you - I've been staring at my laptop for 20 minutes trying to figure out how to start this article about bouldering grades. Should I hit you with some fancy statistics? Maybe drop that mind-blowing fact about V17 being the hardest grade? Nah, let's keep it real.
Let me tell you about my first day bouldering instead. Picture this: Me, wearing rental shoes that smelled like they'd been through World War II, standing in front of what the gym labeled a "beginner-friendly" V0. "How hard could it be?" I thought. Spoiler alert: I didn't even make it halfway up. 😅
The V Scale: Your New Frenemy
Okay, real talk time. When I first heard about the V Scale, I thought it was some kind of vitamin rating. No joke! But here's what I've learned after countless chalk-covered days and way too many campus board mishaps:
VB = "Basically just climbing a ladder but harder" V0 = "Oh wait, this actually requires some technique" V1 = "Okay, now my arms are shaking" V2 = "Why am I doing this to myself?" V3 and up = "I live here now"
Funny story - I once spent three weeks working on what I thought was a V4, only to discover they'd accidentally put the wrong tag on it. It was a V2. But you know what? Those were three weeks of pure joy, frustration, and learning. Who cares about the number? (Okay, fine, I cared a little... a lot... whatever! 🙈)
The Font Scale (Or "How to Sound Fancy at the Gym")
Want to impress your climbing buddies? Just casually drop "Oh yeah, that's about a 7A+ in Font" into conversation. Works every time! Though I once tried this in France and got some very confused looks - turns out my pronunciation of "Fontainebleau" needs serious work.
Here's my super-scientific conversion method:
V0 = Font 4 (or as I like to call it, "the warm-up that sometimes feels impossible")
V1 = Font 5 ("now we're actually climbing")
V2 = Font 5+ ("why does everyone else make this look so easy?!")
V3 = Font 6A ("time to post on Instagram!")
Why That "Easy" Boulder Is Kicking Your Butt
Let's have a moment of honesty here. We've all been there - watching a kid half our age cruise up our project while eating a sandwich. It's humbling, isn't it? Here's what I've learned about why grades sometimes feel completely wrong:
Height Issues: Being 5'8", I've had my fair share of "wait, how am I supposed to reach that?!" moments. My tall friend calls these "height-dependent problems." I call them "character-building exercises." 🤷♂️
Weather Woes: True story - I once sent my hardest problem during a perfect crisp autumn day. Tried the same problem a week later in humid weather and couldn't even start it. The rock wasn't different; I just turned into a sweaty mess.
The Beta Battle: Sometimes you're not bad at climbing; you're just bad at puzzles. I spent two hours on a V1 until a 10-year-old showed me I could just use a heel hook instead of my elaborate interpretive dance beta.
My Personal Journey Through the Grades
Here's something I wish someone had told me earlier - progress isn't linear. My climbing journey looked something like this:
Month 1: "Woo! Crushing V0s! I'm basically Alex Honnold!" Month 2: "V1s are impossible. I'm retiring." Month 3: "Oh wait, I just needed to use my feet." Month 6: "V2s are my new home. I live here now." Year 1: "Did I just do a V4?! No way... Oh wait, they downgraded it."
Tips From Someone Who's Been There (And Is Still There)
About Training Remember that time I thought hangboarding on day two was a good idea? My fingers still haven't forgiven me. Take it slow, friends. Rome wasn't built in a day, and your finger strength won't be either.
Mental Game Pro tip: Try closing your eyes when you're not on the wall and visualize the moves. I do this a lot. People think I'm sleeping at the gym, but I'm totally "visualizing." 😴
Rest Days They're important. Really important. Trust me, I learned this the hard way after what I now call "The Great Overtraining Incident of 2023" (my friends just call it "that time you couldn't lift a coffee cup").
The Truth No One Tells You
Want to know the real secret about grades? Here it is: The best climber isn't the one sending V10s - it's the one who's still psyched to climb after falling off the same V2 for the 100th time. That's me, by the way. Hi! 👋
I still get just as excited about sending a clean V2 as I do about projecting harder grades. Why? Because every single climb teaches you something. Sometimes it teaches you beta, sometimes it teaches you patience, and sometimes it teaches you that maybe you shouldn't have had that second burrito before climbing.
One Last Thing...
If you take anything away from this rambling love letter to climbing grades, let it be this: The numbers are made up, and the points don't matter. What matters is that you're out there, trying hard, making friends, and hopefully not taking yourself too seriously.
And hey, if you ever see someone doing the macarena in front of a boulder problem - that's probably me trying to figure out the beta. Come say hi! I probably need help. 😂
Keep climbing, keep laughing, and keep chalking up!
P.S. - Does anyone else lick their fingers to get better grip when nobody's looking, or is that just me? (Just kidding... mostly)
P.P.S. - If you actually read this far, you're definitely a climber. Normal people would have stopped at "vitamin rating." 🤘
#ClimbOn #SendIt #StillCantDoV2s #ButTryingAnyway